I heard about Shrine ATX from Bman on the KYIL forums and decided to go a couple months ago because I was checking out Austin to meet some new and old faces anyway and see how I liked the city1. Some guys like him have success going to kink events like Shrine Austin and using them purely as a social mixer, with no stripping or sex planned, building more of a social group, and having the social group as a platform to escalate into sex parties and dating later. Given you see the same people over and over, it makes sense to create a community instead of cruising around for sex like some guys do.
I was surprised at how many unattractive people there were too—but then it’s a public event open to anyone with kink, so it’s not unexpected to see some heavier or more creatively-gendered people there. Still working on my own physique—I want to better fit the “athlete” body type2.
I need to work on my social skills for night/party scenarios. I was uncomfortable most of the night, and 50% of my conversations involved me inadvertently blurting out that I didn’t know how to go from starting the conversation to actually having a scene with someone—talk about uncalibrated. But some of the responses I got were to the effect of “once you’ve been around the block for a while, you start realizing you’re wasting time being shy; better to find out sooner if the person is a yes or a no and save both of your time”. I was judging myself for that in the moment too, which didn’t help my anxiety. So getting used to the bar/party scene and becoming more of the “relaxed, fun, social party guy” will help with that.
Talked with a bunch of people, got some contacts. I totally crushed on and was impressed by one of (the guy who spent a couple years and became comfortable building his social groups in the BDSM scene) Bman’s past partners who he’s written about on the KYIL forums. At one point I gave a girl a back massage and a dozen orgasms, and she jerked me off for a while too (I didn’t come. I’m sensing a pattern… the only way to cure it is more experience!). Another guy joined in the scene of massaging, though it wasn’t exactly the MFM I’ve had in mind to do… Then it was late in the night, an hour or two before the close of Shrine, and I called it a night for myself to catch a few winks before an early morning plane flight.
Met a few guys from the KYIL forums there besides Bman. I knew they were potentially coming, two of them I’d not met before. I arrived there solo, with plans to mingle and run into them at some point in the night if they came. Sounds like they had similarly low exposure to bdsm/sex party culture, and it might not be some of their favorite. That’s cool. Lean towards what you like, ignore what you don’t. They weren’t the first people in this sphere of seduction improvement who weren’t into some combo of sex parties/sex clubs/solo bdsm (I won’t mention names here in case they don’t want to be identified).
It was apparently less popular there than earlier months, but it was cool to have gone. I updated my ideas about what goes on there, what attracts attention, how to make a scene or get laid, and so on.
Some key takeaways are:
- If you’re inexperienced, talk to lots of people and have fun—setting sex as your goal as a newcomer will set you up to view the night as a failure instead of a useful reference experience.
- When you’re in the bdsm scene, you can try indirect if your social calibration is up to snuff, but for guys like me your mileage will work better to be bold and direct. The simple phrase “Hey, I think you’re really attractive. I’m looking for [act of intimate play/scene]. What’s your name?” is easy to forget but very useful if you remember it/instinctively know it.
- Some parties have better ratios than others.
- Knowing some people going to a large sex event before you arrive can help a lot with not feeling alone.
NightRoller Game 
