Change is Slow – Yes You Can

You can’t *just* be a guy who plays video games, especially if you want to have a certainty in the modern-day dating market. Sure, video games as a part of your life is possible, but it can’t be the “one” thing that defines you.

As men, we feel our contributions to society, whether we like it or not; if our daily life isn’t bringing value to the world, if we are just passive consumers, it takes a toll on the mind and causes frustration—which then leads to change, or to (more often) escapism with further consumption. And that compounds in our self-worth when we’re looking for dating partners (actively or passively). If you want a different dating life, be different than the rest.

For most guys reading this, I’m preaching to the choir. But I hope this article reaches and inspires others.

The way I see it, I myself am struggling against Youtube/podcasts, sugar, video games, & difficulty with making plans and getting my butt out of the house. But this position is better than most my age, because I do hit the gym, talk to girls, and have semblance of a vision of where I’m heading career- and relationship-wise. Most guys I see are hooked and unaware, with porn, video games, politics, and others sucking up their time and making them ineffective.

Of course, just the fact that I’m starting young has its own difficulties & benefits. But my generation (I’m talking about guys in particular) is in a pit. We weren’t taught how to do things that were hard, not most of us. We’ve been given functional “lives” on platters, then when we turn all our energy to video games we wonder why life feels so empty. It quenches the thirst, without actually hydrating our need to create.

To my peers, and my juniors, don’t get frustrated. Change is slow. Change in your action is the result of time and effort building up to the turning point; it’s most important to avoid binging tons of “information” and taking time to reflect on what you’ve heard. Take 5 minutes after reading this to ponder the meaning in these words.

Taking time to consider lessons learned is not just a habit for practicing Christians and other religions; meditating on ideas tips the balance in favor of your actions changing in the future. Hold the hope. You won’t turn into a pickup artist a successful businessman, or a bodybuilder in a day. Not a week. A year is even a stretch. Think long term. 5 years, 10 perhaps. Don’t cap yourself by thinking “I need to become X in Y amount of time,” because it won’t happen… unless you can list out the minute details of getting there, or you get a coach to push your ass in the right direction. Even then, it’ll take time. But it can be done. And you can be the one to get there.

Keep on rolling,

-NightRoller

How many times can a girl come in a night? (Status Update)

Tired out for reasons detailed later in this post. Going to keep this short and to the point, more for accountability than anything.

Started reading The Game, as per RPD’s rec. I normally steer away from—at least, don’t seek out—the things I consider “overpopular”, whether it be music, anime, video games, social trends and fads, or such. Game books were no different. But finally going to do it.

In the past week I’ve been approaching a little on the streets (Shinjuku seems literally like a fantasy world in the evening, weekday or weekend), but I still have difficulty approaching girls in day-to-day life for anything seduction-related. RPD mentioned to me that a decent goal for future improvement could look like getting a girl’s number each day through just talking to girls in day-to-day life; clerks, waitresses, cafeteria staff, students… one thing that puts a crimp in trying this goal is that I’m often with the Japanese Coworker girl because she’s awesomely smart and sexy—despite having a ghastly look under a camera, her face when kissing or moaning is priceless, as is her voice and body shape—and fun to hang around, with the tradeoff that I’m not approaching girls for numbers while she’s with me.

Speaking of the Coworker, I just had a 3rd time with her over the course of making some American pizza. After satisfying our food appetites, we whetted our primal appetites a little before sleeping and then again after waking up. I learned she could come many times within an hour, something I’d heard of before but never realized the real possibility of. She’s incredibly sensitive (even coming from stimulation of her boobs—reminds me of one of Kill Your Inner Loser’s stories, forget which), and she began to relax into the sex and not be so “embarrassed”. Perhaps from that, she started having stronger orgasms (or maybe I’m getting better at actually noticing the orgasms… or I’m giving better orgasms with my fingers, or some combination of those). She came 2-3 times before bed and 4-8 times after. I also was able to come twice within 24 hours, which is a first, though the second orgasm took forever and was weak and half-done because she was so sensitive and literally came multiple times while I had my dick in her. Was nice in the regard that I could easily bring her to orgasm before I came. We spent the night together though I didn’t sleep well. Tired as I’m typing this, really want to get to bed already.

Still not doing great at diet. But improving, phasing out purchases of sweets and the like in non-social situations in favor of better options, options with more protein and fewer carbs.

Keep on rolling,

-NightRoller

[Life] Diet According to Your Means (A Problem-Solving Example)

This topic (and its importance) occurred to me when I realized the following points of conflict in my life:

• I know the basics of dieting, and have come across several examples of how to diet well. And, while diet/looking good isn’t everything, I do want to look healthy and attractive (and use it to make game easier).
• My day-to-day diet looks like garbage; I regularly eat junk-carb snacks and sweets in ridiculous amounts. In fact, the night after I started drafting this post, I bought a few decently healthy food items as well as a hefty amount of junk from the nearby コンビニ convenience store.

So the question is, “why?”
Why don’t I eat healthily like “I should”?
Why can’t I control myself around junk food, and buy several kinds in ridiculous amounts?

To reach an answer takes two important steps: recognizing the points where there’s struggling, then addressing each with a solution both brain and gut can get behind. I’ll use myself as an example, of course.

• Accountability

I don’t have any friends pursuing a lean body and a healthy diet. Everyone in my vicinity tells me I look thin or decent already; my parents, while I love them, have been particularly guilty of this. It breeds complacency when all your surrounding group says “you’re good, you don’t need to improve (because you doing so would make me feel bad about myself)”.

And I haven’t recruited the most valuable tool for this either: the Internet. Most of my online groups play video games and have little going on or that they’re working on. If I reverse that and put focus on groups (like this one) where the group encourages each other to reach their goals and improve their baseline SMV, odds are that I’ll choose to make better decisions to “fit in”.

• Ability to cook known recipes

I know how to bake a solid pizza (and plan to with the Coworker this weekend). I can make toast or eggs (or egg toast) in the microwave. This article gave me plenty of recipes for when I have access to a kitchen. I know the basics of how to eat well to gain muscle or lose fat.

But for the day-to-day, I don’t have many options for easily-made food with my current cooking supplies. I’m living in a hotel with a tea kettle in my room and a microwave at the opposite end of the hall. My fridge is tinier than the ones they give us in college. All this head-knowledge is catered to the future me who has an American kitchen and related utensils; it’s failing me in a country where I still can’t understand half of the labels on the food and lack access to basic cooking appliances.

• Lack of internal/emotional buy-in

We can try to force ourselves to do things out of self-hatred and “if I don’t do this, I’m bad”, but I think Mark Queppet was right when he says (paraphrased): “why force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, when instead you can bring yourself to want it and make doing it 1000x easier?”

I had a successful 2-month no-sugar challenge. Part of it was driven by emotional fear of what would happen if I ate as much sugar as I had been doing; part was from being psyched up to not be beholden to the sugar crashes and lethargy and enjoy non-sweet foods more. My emotions were bought into the outcome; I wanted to make it happen. I journaled about it regularly, and used emotional reinforcement to connect myself to the logically desired outcome.

Right now, my logical side knows what I “should” do. But my emotional side isn’t in alignment with that outcome. The tension between the two works against the pursuit of the goal of getting lean (or at least not gaining weight). Not to mention, the actions of getting towards that goal hasn’t been broken down into small enough steps that my subconscious can act on them without me thinking about it. Even if it was aligned, it wouldn’t know how to direct its efforts because I haven’t properly thought it through.

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Now that we’ve identified the problems with my set-up, how can a man in my position change this trend?

For Accountability:
Accountability is something I’ve leveraged in the past to make progress. While I used to dismiss diet as something that didn’t require much outer influence/”help”, acknowledging the frustration points here and making the conscious decision to seek help is likely to negate or reverse the negative diet influences of daily life. Among the options available, I’m most considering posting with regularity in Mark Queppet’s Self-Mastery Club (paid for) or Kill Your Inner Loser’s forums, besides continuing to include my diet progress in my blog posts here.

For Food Convenience:
I can’t do anything about my cooking appliances situation while in Japan, but I can identify healthy foods that require little effort to make or find.
Quickly, an exercise of 5 snackable foods and 3 meals that I like logically which appeal to my tongue as well:

• Peanuts/mixed nuts
• Hard-boiled eggs
• Carrots
• Bananas
• Oranges
  
• Convenience store protein salads
• Hard boiled eggs (from my tea kettle) + a vegetable (spinach, carrots, etc)
• Protein (meat of some kind) microwaveable, from the store

For Emotional Buy-In:
Each time I consider buying or eating junk, I have a few strategies to implement, copied from Mark Queppet: I can barter with myself, saying “no, you can’t have that [cookie or other sweet thing], but here’s what I can give you instead: .”
Another useful way to redirect my gut towards logically better decisions is through imagining the “bad scenario” I want to avoid. This includes cavities, which hurt the wallet and the mouth to get rid of, being a fat tub of lard who feels depressed all the time, and being repulsive to others somehow.
The flip-side of the previous, moving towards good scenarios, is yet another way to get my gut on board. I want to be strong, I want to be fit, I want to be attractive to others and full of confidence. How do I get there? A good part of it is by making effective food decisions

With the problems identified and solutions provided, we can look forward to forward progress in the realm of my diet habits. I’ll be sure to mention it in future status posts.

Keep on rolling. If you have similar experiences or another problem-solving system, I’d love to hear them.

LR +2: Japan, more strip-cards, and the “Relationship Trap”

As usual, this will be a bit of a jumble. I’ve attempted to organize it better this time, however.

Status

First, the small update: I’ve only had one approaching session while in Japan, so far. I can blame my internship, but mostly it’s my own fault… I’ve been playing Minecraft and staying inside when I could instead have taken the opportunity to get some exercise. I’ll be sure to ask advice on planning and executing more in the future. Doing good on hitting the gym at least 3x/week, not so good on the “getting lean”or diet despite knowing some great resources for it.

Love Report

The first thing of note in this, my third notch (first in Japan) is that it involves dating a coworker of mine, which is thin ice. If things go south before I leave Japan, it could become quite awkward.

The first date between Coworker girl and I involved walking after work through a park, giving her a “first kiss in a public park”, then after arriving at mine I attempted to use the card game I used before to introduce and transition to a more sexual vibe. Unfortunately, because of her mediocre English and my mediocre Japanese, she didn’t understand I meant for us to take clothes off, so I set the game aside and we made out. We did both take off our shirts as well, but she stopped me from removing more and left at a certain time to ensure she got home.

For our second date we went to hers and made out. I transitioned us to sex “one question at a time”, where I asked if she would remove a specific piece of clothing while I did the same. It feels very “beta”, but given what Andy on KYIL says, I’ll just say I don’t like the feeling that asking those questions puts me in. Next time, I’ll tell/command/encourage, and she can refuse if she wants to.

Coworker girl was tight inside (a first for me, it was great), cute, had nice butt and a slim stomach, and liked spanking—which I feel weird to do. She was also quite shy—a 恥ずかしい子—hiding her face many times and preferring the lights be low when she was down to her underwear. This time too, I again was the first of to release and enjoyed teasing her up to her orgasm consequently.

She said many times that it felt “too good” and tried to push my hand away, and just about each time, I hesitated (but hope not to in the future). I surprised her with my skill in my fingers, apparently, and she accused me of being a プレーボーイ (perhaps jokingly, I couldn’t tell). She really wants a long-term relationship, but the most I can perhaps promise is to be mostly hers in Japan, until I head back to America. Incredibly hot, intelligent, after we’d both come she tried to reciprocate my efforts to her by being on top and riding me, but I was spent and too limp.

For the future, I need to be clear soon that I am working on my confidence, and part of that is going to involve hitting on (and perhaps playing with) other girls, even if I focus all of my emotional energy and relationship things on her.

Finally, I noticed (and thought it strange) that during the workday, we pretty much just act like nothing happened, hardly mentioning it at all. Any innuendos on my part outside of online messaging aren’t acknowledged nor reciprocated, though if I continue to see her anyway I think this distance in public is bearable.

For the second, I’m too tired to make this long, but it was through a dating app (I was quite surprised), an American girl here whose attention was piqued by my profile. Super horny, enough to travel a couple hours to see me last night. She was fat, no beating around the bush, but she had huge boobs and a sexual appetite and was fun to talk to and sexually tease. Not a virgin, but I gave her her first three orgasms (and also broke my record for orgasms given in a night) thanks to my enjoyment of teasing and “assaulting” her with pleasure (credit to Nash and others for helping me make her pleasure something to stay aware of going in). Several hours talking, we played strip cards to open the mood, she stayed the night, and might see her again sometime. Once again I had an ego stroking of being “so good at sex” just because I had more thought than putting my dick in the girl. Go figure. It makes four experiences now though.

Recent Lessons Learned

I recognize that I seem to put girls in the box of assuming monogamous relationships with me, but I blamed it on girls jumping conclusions; after talking to Nash it’s apparent to me that the “relationship” feelings were my own fault. Attention is what I need to be more strict on meting out; not texting every day and holding tension, for instance, and not worrying that she’ll disappear if I fail to text on any given day. I don’t always have to reply, either.

Another pointer of Nash’s is that even in Japan, while walking around in most areas (excluding gyms or anywhere your job/visa is at risk), it’s fine to not worry about following the crowd by wearing a mask. It’s not a required item for going up and talk to girls who do have masks.

I was recently listening to a podcast by KYIL, “She’s out of my league”, and how just going up to a girl puts you at an advantage over many, many other guys just by the fact that you tried and asked her out. Then saw some Back to the Future 1 on TV while at the gym—the scene where Marty (the main character) encourages his dad (as a teenager) to ask his mom (as a teen) to a dance, where Marty’s dad is all worried about what to say and intimidated and such, and doesn’t think himself “worthy” of being with Marty’s mom… that reminded me of someone’s blog (I forget, but let me know in the comments) about how “beginners worry about what to say, experienced guys worry about their vibe”. But just as said on KYIL, Marty’s dad putting himself so “under” Marty’s mom and putting her on a pedestal definitely puts the odds against him, making it more likely he’d fail.

From that podcast, and the recent boost I have in vibe from these two recent notches, I need to make an active choice and plan to approach girls. In daily life. And also, intentionally. It’s hot in Japan, but heat or not, as it’s going to be hotter and hotter in the next decade or two anyway, so better to hit the streets while I’m young. And now I’ve got RPD helping me orient where I’m going, so I’m certainly going places from here on.