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[LR] Naughty Nerdy Nympho: Fantasy Sex with My Dream Girl

Another non-status-report. I did get a notch with a decently unattractive girl who kind of stunk a week or two ago, but with working at a bar (as a cook and bouncer) recently, haven’t had the time to type it up properly. Heck, this past week I haven’t posted on my accountability thread, but I’ve had my first Daygame-seeded date of the semester this week and a couple other girls with dates set up from cold approaching with an indirect opener. But as RPD reminds, getting the kiss/date/number/lay isn’t the most important thing and pales in comparison to learning and practicing game.

Back to the point of this post, this was an eye-opening experience for me, discovering the intensity possible in a peak experience with a girl from my social circle. The majority of this log is written based on 2 pages of notes I wrote after she went home, because I didn’t want to forget that I encountered this awesome experience.

This post, while meant as a log, can also serve as an inspiration for those on the beginning side of their journey, as well as a collection of some references for useful articles sprinkled throughout. Give them a read if you haven’t yet.

This success came down to being in the right place at the right time and knowing how to take enough of the right action. It precipitated from a social circle, which is where my most attractive partners (Japanese gal, and now, Nerdy Nympho girl) have come from so far. I’ve yet to have a lay through cold approach or nightgame (check these links to learn more from guys far more knowledgeable and experienced than me), and online dating rarely produces stunners, so in my limited experience social circle seems to be giving me better results at this stage.

I’m reminded of RPD’s favorite Arnold Palmer quote: “the more I practice, the luckier I get.”

What happened:

It all started at an unofficial dance lesson/party. I went with the intention of just practicing dance and having fun… Didn’t really expect any girls my age or younger after I showed up. I danced a bit, talked with a guy some about diet and fitness (helped me apply “keep it simple stupid”, I’ve been stressing over diet and trying to make it have too much variety and stuff and that’s been stunting my progress), then got to talking with this one kinda cute girl, over-indulged my diet again with trying snacks at the party, asked her the important questions enough like her name and asked about some of her stories. Asked her what plans she had tonight, she said she had none, I said she’s pretty cool, “want to hang out at mine after this?” (expecting a no, but putting it out there).

She said yes/sure/affirmative (that’s a funny visual, imagining her saluting, but she said yeah pretty easily). I was mildly surprised, but then assumed she probably meant it in a platonic/friendship/not getting the undertones kind of way.

But I was clear on logistics (almost). I asked her to dance a couple songs, we did, she said she’s not too dance experienced and was a freshman or sophomore, then we went back to the snack table and talked some more one-on-one. Then I asked more logistics, e.g. where she lives and how she got to the dance practice party. I’d ridden my bike (okay, so maybe the logistics weren’t so great) and she’d driven over.

With plans to meet at mine, we each go back to our homes, she parked then came over. I met her outside on a cool vista, talked a bit, then suggested we go play cards (she’d mentioned she loves cards before). We go into my room, she teaches me a game, we play a few rounds (20-35 minutes) while chatting mostly platonic conversation, me trying to sprinkle in less-platonic-but-still-calibrated questions. At one point, I sprinkled in a question about the strangest place she’d been kissed. That had her stumped for a while.

At one point after a round of the game, she was starting to deal again. We’d been getting distracted from the game by our conversation more over the course of the previous round. I held strong eye contact for a bit, looking at her two eyes, said something like “let’s put the cards down for a second”, and after holding eye contact for a bit longer, asked her, “Do you want to kiss me?” (see the “Mystery Close Routine” section on this RedPillDad article). This whole time I’d tried to touch her occasionally, a hand here, shoulder there, light teasing punch over there, but hadn’t gotten much physical proximity yet, maybe 1.5 feet from my eyes to hers (outside of when we danced). I felt like there might not be much connection for her, much comfort for closeness or touch, that it’d be too big a jump. But when asking this question, I did lean in and close the distance a bit, leaving 1/2 to 3/4 of the distance.

She was like a lightswitch; her answer was a verbal yes and enthusiastically leaning in towards—no, almost leaping toward me, then leaning back on the floor while embracing me, taking me with her. I used my hands as we kissed a bit (her kissing was super supple and very wet in a good way, not a sloppy way, some of the best kissing I’d), starting to feel her out, and she sucked on my tongue and lip a lot… that suction was hot, as was how she moaned when I stuck my tongue in as far as I could and tasted her delicious mouth (she started it, and I reciprocated tentatively at first, but later on she told me she really liked it and I did it more forcefully). Then I suggested we sit on the edge of my bed to kiss somewhere more comfortable, then seconds after our lips met again she was leaning back against the bed underneath me.

She was squirmy even before the clothes were off and quite grabby at first, both signs I’d seen and disliked in previous girl experiences, but (spoiler—not!) this one turned out to be good despite (or in part because of) it!

I semi-assertively coaxed our clothes off over the course of 5-10 minutes. It was once both our glasses were off and the clothes were coming off that I realized how beautiful and sexy she actually was, and it had me in disbelief for the next half hour or so (until I started having too much fun to care). As soon as the clothes were being tossed aside, she was already subtly asking for my dick with her body language, and was soaking wet (now looking back, it’s difficult for me to guess if she was just that horny or if that’s normal for her). When we were both fully naked and I’d fingered her, she was asking for my dick (“please fuck me”), I told her “not yet,” but that “I have a surprise first”. Pulled out the vibrator and had her use it on herself while I watched. It was pretty hot. When I asked her later at what point she decided in her head, “yeah, I’m definitely going to fuck this guy” and “wow, this guy is a sex god” that it was about the time I brought out the vibrator.

When I busted out my vibrator near the start of our bed-untidying session, she was getting into the kissing (she was super into the sex from the start, but really moved her body, bounced around even when she wasn’t in the middle of an orgasm; super sensitive to everything), she came to the vibrator several (3 to up to 8 times? I couldn’t believe they were actual orgasms at first because they were like a machine gun within a minute of each other, but she moved around and clenched and moaned enough that I soon realized I was a lucky horny bastard who was out-sexualized by this girl by a mile). Then we tried missionary, doggy (neither of us liked), cow girl & reverse cow girl (both were kind of difficult for me because there was a lot of pressure against the dick without much actually pleasurable movement, perhaps exacerbated by her active/dom-like tendencies, but she was having the time of her life), and she seemed like she came 2-5 times from each.

During foreplay, I also fingered her some, and it only took about 5-10 seconds of light, hard, or pretty much any consistent touch/rubbing for her to come. I think I mentioned to her that I was surprised at how easily she came.

I also played with her breasts and French-kissed throughout, occasionally pulling her hair or choking her or kissing down her neck like a softcore vampire. She also loved getting tongue-fucked deep in her mouth, and sucked hard at my tongue which just made it all the more fun for both of us, and came from just that a couple times. This honestly sounds like the kind of fetish porn stories I used to try to write, but f*ck, this tops any of them and is far and away beyond anything I could have imagined writing. This was fantasy sex. I could hardly believe it in the moment, but now I know it’s possible.

After trying those positions, I set us into missionary roller-coaster sex (credit KYIL Andy) for a while (5-10 orgasms). At this point it almost cheapens the orgasms I was giving her because they were so easy, and I hope I can have sex with a ‘normal’ girl again without constantly dreaming of this one or getting annoyed at how long they take—in other words, falling into old “bad game” blue pill habits instead of enjoying the ride.

I realize I’ve recently been referencing Andy’s stuff more often, and it’s because he has a significant amount of practical how-to stuff on his site (appropriate material for a beginner like me in supplement to the solid basics), but the whole time I was also using mindsets I’d cultivated from RPD and RedQuest, as well as Nash’s stuff (if you want to get better at talking to girls, stop reading my articles and go read theirs). I didn’t really believe that this kind of girl or this # of orgasms (20-50 are my low and high estimates, respectively) was actually possible or existed or that I’d ever encounter it, but I sure found out this past weekend’s night, and it blows my previous experience out of the water. Makes me glad I came back from Japan; I came back to more than just disappointing low-quality fat chicks.

I hadn’t come yet, but because we were both decently tired I called a break. We talked and cuddled a ton, I continued giving her a bunch of compliments as is my habit, telling her she was “so f*cking sexy” and “a good girl” and “I love your sexy [tits, lips, face, stomach, hips, thighs, p*ssy, etc.].” I think I used the word f*ck more during our night-time post-dance dance-session than the rest of my life combined. She didn’t believe me some of the time, claiming I was being too cheesy or using pickup lines (ironic, I suck at using pickup lines, and also ironic, I’m in the pickup/dating/post-red-pill-ism sphere), but I assured her it was just literally anytime I thought of how hot a part or action of hers was and noticed myself thinking so, I’d voice it (that was exactly what I was doing, anyway; no techniques besides not using a filter). I teasingly blamed her for being so hot, a literal bedroom fantasy, seducing me because I wouldn’t have had the confidence to get her in bed if I’d seen how sexy she was before she took off her clothes, etc., having some fun myself and conveying how attractive I found her (because she’d been complimenting me in half-disbelief as well, for being “so good” and “so sexy”).

For a rough time reference, we got back to my place at 11:10, played cards and chatted for ~30 minutes (she taught me a game), then did kissing and vibrator for 10-25 minutes, then had sex until at least 3:30 am, including the middle break (we talked until about 4 after that).

She was actually going to leave after Round 1 because she had a class the next morning, but I suggested I’d set a timer or something. I was about to roll out of the bed and set up my phone with sticky fingers and all, but it was only 5 seconds after she first raised the idea that she had to go before she was grabbing me and pulling me back. I asked why and she said she’d “changed her mind” or something, that fast, and was super horny and ready to go already again. I was amazed. Is this normal hot chick behavior? In the moment, even as I wondered that question, I didn’t care, and got another condom on for a hot and heavy round two.

During the second round I went even harder than before with the roller coaster. She was telling me how sexy I was and stuff, and even whispered “f*ck me harder… f*ck me daddy” to encourage me (I’d suggested she do so earlier in the intercourse, she’d laughed and refused at that earlier point).

I hadn’t come yet this whole time, and I remember it was really easy for me to just keep f*cking her, but she had a class coming up. So in order for me to finally come I had to consciously focus on my own pleasure through 2-4 of her orgasms to finally reach my own. That difficulty to reach orgasm (to my chagrin, I was like the woman of the interaction in terms of difficulty of orgasm!) may have been a result from giving in to my old porn addiction and masturbating the previous day, or due to not getting much more than 5 hours of sleep the previous few days and being quite tired, or some combination of both. Regardless, both of our breathing was ragged, and when I finally said I was coming that seemed to send her over the edge of some ultimate orgasm too. She came super hard while I did at the same time. It was super hot. It was the shit on the level we read in Manly Cockfellow’s accountability thread or Nash’s Blog, that kind of fantasy-level sex that seems unattainable for many (including me, until now apparently. Kind of hard for me to deny I can get that kind of experience when it’s sitting right in front of me).

Compared to all her previous orgasms, she was super exhausted after that last one where we came together, and she lay there, eyes closed, quietly panting for ~10 minutes before moving to cuddle/talk. I tried to ask her about the good/bad/ugly, but she told me I should have asked before she had this mind-blowing, toe-curling, p*ssy-clenching orgasm. Also, apparently for her during an orgasm, she can’t even think, there’s nothing in her mind but pleasure. That seems kind of funny to me, but kind of cool too. I love learning about the female perspective of sex. She also seemed pretty sex-positive and non-blue-pilled, and ironically tried to almost lecture me on it a couple times (like when I mentioned how she came really easily compared to women, and women usually take a long time to orgasm, she misunderstood and reminded me that women actually like and want sex compared to what society says).

Both times when I pulled out from missionary, after the first round and the second, the condom itself got stuck enough to slide off me and dangle from her both times. It made me worried that the condom had fallen out and I’d just put my load into her without any protection, but no, we’d just gone so long that I’d lubricated the inside of my condom almost as good as she was wetting herself inside (she told me she squirts, and I didn’t realize to what extreme degree she was naturally lubricated until I did my sheets laundry the following day), and it just had enough friction outside to catch on her birth-control thing in the vagina (UTA? I can’t remember the acronym).

What it was like:

This part of the post will be a random mess, but it’ll be reorganized compared to the log I wrote at 5 am on a day earlier this week.

  1. She had to keep reminding me not to touch her boobs while we were resting—I have a lot of experience giving back massages and it’s become my habit to run my fingers gently over girls’ bodies even when we’re not in the middle of foreplay/sex. My hands often wander to the breasts, especially if they’re moderate but perky like in this case… but she was super sensitive, so it may have been “unfair” from her perspective if she came while I was taking a break (but had I thought of it, I could have taken advantage of this power dynamic and encouraged her to be more submissive, pleasured by just the touch of this sexy man next to her in bed… I may have lost some points in her eyes for acquiescing, but who knows?).
  2. This sex surprised me also for how much of it I stayed hard; I was solid or solid-enough for 80-90% of the entire sexcapade, including during breaks. I may have come a little during the first round, but if so, apparently it was negligible because I didn’t feel any orgasm myself or get sensitive at any point. I declared the first break more for her to let her have some time to recover from all the stimulation and talk with her a bit than because I needed it (though to be fair, it was a useful recovery for me after the cardio we’d engaged in).
  3. I asked her if I could take a picture pretty early on. I may ask again, if I see her. She’s so f*cking hawt. (If you follow either of Caleb Jones’/Black Dragon’s Youtube channels, imagine the emphasis he uses when he talks about how hot a given woman is when reading the previous sentence.)
  4. She surprised me with how much she was squirming with clothes on and dry humping, I was a little wary at first, but when clothes came off she was flopping around all over the place and gasping and it was literally so sexy I can’t even keep from making run-on sentences here, and did I ever mention I’m a grammar nazi? I may go back and edit that. Edit: nope, going to leave it.
  5. She was also ready to go again post-orgasm very rapidly, like within 10-20 seconds of an orgasm she would be pulling on my butt to try to get me moving again or make me “go harder” in earnest again, not to mention the times I teased her by going slow (a third time thank-you to Andy for that article on rollercoaster sex). Literally, amazing. I can’t describe how insanely hot it is to feel/see/hear her come, taking a few moments of rest yourself, then she’s smiling and biting her lip and grabbing your butt and saying “please” and trying to get you going to town again.
  6. She had exactly the sexy, mischievous smile I love to see in a girl and had missed in all my previous lays, she liked to tease and play being frustrated, but she’d also practiced being a dom for > 1 year in a previous relationship, so she had some non-submissive habits. In fact, she’s a switch with a dominant streak and definitely knows how to tease; she ran her tongue all over (except my dick/balls—we weren’t doing any oral sex tonight). That pairs amazingly well with my sexual tastes. For most of my life, I thought I was definitely a sub. Nowadays, though I’ve trained myself to be more confident and dominant and truly do enjoy that, I still love taking that bottom role on occasion, even if she’s genuinely dominant, calling the shots for what to do and pinning down my arms from tickling her tits because she’s done dom-stuff so much before.
  7. I had in my notes again that she’s super eager, she’s a nymphomaniac who walks around with a nerd vibe and looking just cute (she was wearing a cute ballerina outfit that, at the right angle from the top, showed most of her tits, but with her glasses and tutu I guessed she was about a 5-5.5) but her clothes come off and (by my estimation) she became a 7 or 7.5 without her glasses, give or take 1 for me not wearing glasses/contacts at that point (though I did get to see her, all of her, up close). She is the hottest girl I’ve ever had in my room, the sexiest fiend I’ve ever had in bed. I was literally thinking that thought before we started having sex as the clothes were coming off, but as soon as it started in earnest it was so much fun I didn’t consider thinking of anything but her.
  8. She had a shoulder hickey from a guy over the Halloweekend who she said was absolutely terrible; she teased him all over without touching his dick then left him orgasmless. She did a similar teasing to me (it was awesome and fun, but I was enjoying it too much to say I wanted her to do anything. Maybe someday I’ll play along with being the sub better) but by that point she’d told me several times that I do it really well, made my mediocre dick and lack of experience & general lack of confidence feel really good. She told me that she had been ready to swear off men after that previous experience, but seems I changed her mind. Be the alpha who the girl wants to f*ck.
  9. Funny thought: earlier today (the day I had this sexcapade, not the day I’m writing/publishing this post) I reminded myself, “I’m a guy who dated and had sex with a girl who was a supermodel on the side in Japan (the Japanese girlfriend), so even if I’m not getting the best results right now, I can take pride in that and I know I can meet and date hot girls.” Probably a coincidence that it came true the very same day, but it probably didn’t hurt I had this mindset either.
  10. This was a reference experience or peak experience for me, I was just constantly blown away by how sexy and hot and fun she was and having sex with her was. Makes me kind of never want to have sex with a significantly fat girl again. I’d known sex could be great, but up until now it’d mostly been just the feeling of getting an orgasm and having a little fun with the other person who would usually starfish or act in other unattractive ways, being like an overblown overrated overpriced fleshlight that I was also trying to give a good time. This experience was different; the whole time it was a ton of fun, whether my dick was in her or not, whether I was even touching or looking at any of her or not, the kind of dance you hear sex can be but you can’t imagine until you experience it yourself. Basically, what I said before about it being similar to Manly Cockfellow’s stories, which I imagined would take years or decades for me to reach even once.

Overall, the best sex I’ve had with an American girl, and also the best single sex session I’ve ever had (technically it’s both of my top 2 if we’re counting by rounds). Basically, my dream girl, but because I know about one-itus (and alternatives, like seeing multiple girls and approaching new girls whether I have a current prospect or not), I’ll be careful to keep things casual and moderate if either of us catches feelings (not that I would mind if she and I dated non-monogamously for the rest of my final year at this college—that sounds pretty sweet actually). The only catch I could imagine is that I found out she’s technically the sister of someone who has a marginal degree of indirect authority over my housing situation, and I don’t know what that sibling thinks of me.

I’m mildly worried that she won’t want to see me again or won’t text or something and that things will become awkward when we see each other in the club, but it might be more of one of those things that you just have to “wait and see”. I let things sit for a few days, and I’ve sent a text to try and set up a second meet to “play cards”. I’m walking the tightrope to try and avoid being needy or feel dependent on her, and hold tension, but some of the time it’s hard for me to hold onto the idea that there’s other girls out there and I don’t need to worry if this one doesn’t work out. It could be she just wanted a one-night-stand with a sexy guy. I’m looking for more of an ongoing FWB kind of thing. If we don’t have similar goals, that’s fine. Who am I to tell her what to do? Better for me and definitely better for her if I find someone looking for the same thing I am. (Edit: she texted back that she’s talking with her ex. Having seen some of Caleb Jones’s content, I anticipate she might break up again and hit me up, especially because we’ll see each other in the dance lessons, but I won’t count on it. The solution for me to seek out another sexperience as great as Nerdy Nympho? Anyone in this sphere with any experience will tell me essentially the same, it’s to talk to more girls.)

Once again, she was essentially what I would have imagined my dream high school or college girlfriend being—her face (without glasses) was super cute, she was not fat or pudgy, she was interesting to talk to in and out of bed, she had boobs big enough for me to have fun with them, she was very sexual and forward and honest, she wasn’t afraid to play the dominant role, she enjoyed almost everything I did and called me sexy and came super easily—fuck, that’s an ego boost if I ever saw one. I’m calling her a “7.5” while trying to be somewhat objective (she was hotter than the Japanese girl when the clothes came off), but on my personal scale for the whole experience of sex and all with her, I would peg her at a 9.5 to me. This was an awe-inspiring experience I will find it hard to top and difficult to match. This is a new goalpost, higher than the one I set with Japanese Girlfriend, showing me the potential of low-fat, sweet, spicy, organic American-raised girls.

How I Learn Best (And Why I’ve Been Shooting Myself in the Foot)

It’s been a while since I last wrote an update. Naturally, instead of giving a check-in summary of my log here, I’m going to intentionally procrastinate (prioritize) that for later while offloading a topic that’s been stewing in my mind recently.

When learning a new skill, there’s invariably better and worse ways to go about developing your newest life-resume-booster. This is an introspective article exploring why I specifically am falling on the “worse” side of improving, what the better learning methods (I’ll call them LMs) are, and what I’ll do from here to change my stagnation, using myself as a case study you can learn from.

There are dozens of skills the below concepts can be applied to—most people coming here will be interested in learning how to improve their romantic and social skills around women, but it has connections to any artistic skill, musical skill, career skill development, education-related skill (e.g. learning how to study, or learning how to write math proofs), and learning how to learn, among many others—so use your imagination. In fact, feel free to challenge me with an area or skill you can’t use this info towards.

First up, some obviously poor LMs:

  • Brute Force – “Do the thing over and over until you somehow ‘get’ it” – while neglecting any intentional improvement or self-evaluation
  • The Intellectual – “Learn all there is to know about a subject before trying it” – leaves out most of the “practice” and relies on memorizing or internalizing the information

When it comes to game, the Brute Force approach could be exemplified by the people who mass-approach and don’t analyze what they could improve. The Intellectual would cover those who just read pickup advice without trying any of it in real life.

There are situations where these LMs have their uses (for example, you can use Brute Force to memorize vocabulary using flashcards in Anki or use The Intellectual to learn how to operate heavy machinery before using it), and they’re common for people to use in the everyday grind (e.g. anyone Brute Forcing their day job and The Intellectual-ing their dream career), but when looked at with an objective eye we see that these LMs are, put bluntly, kinda dumb for anything we care to become skilled in or make progress towards.

I’ve used them. Most of you have used them. No harm in that—but for significant progress, we have to avoid those pitfalls.

In a way, these two LMs represent two ends of a spectrum; the obvious solution is to use a balance between the two. We want to try the target skill, then learn more about it, wedding our new knowledge to our recently acquired experience. Then we try again, and study some more.

The Critical Cycle

But a third factor is crucial: intentionality. Specifically, when we fail to plan, we plan to fail. This has caused many dreams and ambitions of mine and others to lose momentum and direction. It’s important to focus our efforts and evaluate how we’re doing, long-term and short-term. That could mean making a weekly check in and doing a quarterly review of progress, for example.

I realized this component the other day when I tried jump rope for the first time since elementary school. I just bought a rope, put on some music, and tried my best to get into a rhythm without catching on my feet. I gave it my best for ~20 minutes and gave myself permission to suck. Then after, I looked online, read a couple articles about how to learn jump rope, skimmed a few more. Then I made a plan to try it again (someday when my legs aren’t cramping as bad) with some exercises designed to help me practice with good form.

This summarizes as “practice-learn-plan”. You need some of all three.

The skipping also reminded me of the importance of focusing on the information pertinent to your skill level (and some of the following level’s). You don’t retain information well, which explains why public education takes time to go from basic skills (like learning how to count) to advanced skills (like proving theorems concerning continuity of polynomials) due to re-covering old topics several times, though there isn’t much difficulty increase in the concepts being taught from one grade to the next. Try to read some of Nash’s material as a beginner daygamer. There’s some parts a beginner can understand, just as a high schooler could understand bits and pieces from a college-level textbook, but it’s hard to comprehend and retain for long enough to apply it and “own” the knowledge.

For a long time at the beginning of my game-learning, I bingewatched youtube pickup videos and, after easing in with low-quality beginner information, read many of RedQuest’s and RedPillDad’s (and others’) articles. The trouble was threefold: 1. I wasn’t making much approaches, 2. I wasn’t analyzing what to change to improve, and 3. I was mostly reading information that was far and away beyond my level. It feels impressive to read the stories of fantasy-like sex (or whatever the desired skill is) from guys who have experience, but the really important information is the basics, the stuff you don’t think to focus on and hammer down until you genuinely try to improve your results.

Beginners need beginner material, not because they wouldn’t find the advanced material interesting, but because they need concrete points to focus on before adding the nuance (which they will eventually learn to appreciate themselves with experience). The same is true for “intermediates”, or anyone along the sliding scale towards the ideal of mastery. Beginners, however, have a smaller subset of information they need worry about; that’s a part of the benefits of a coach: curating and pointing out the concepts for a beginner to focus on. That basically gives them permission to ignore the vast noise of “try this” or “learn this” that pervades the most clickbait-y articles tailored to the tastes of the masses—they’ll learn it anyway, if it’s important.

I wonder if that’s a significant part of how coaches help their clients become effective. Perhaps it’s that focus which negates the FOMO-driven “internet warrior” urge, streamlining the time they could be using to learn the concepts one way well instead of several ways poorly. I would consider myself a beginner, still falling prey to reading unnecessary articles or watching videos which are useless to me.

Beginners may need less of the planning or learning of the “practice-learn-plan” cycle, but will benefit from gradually increased learning and planning as they transition to intermediate.

Personal Roadblocks

I’ve been failing to make much progress recently, myself. It seems to stem from both a lack of intentionality and the desire to “work on everything all at once”, which doesn’t work well. Strategic procratination, a.k.a. prioritization, without guilt at what you’re putting to the side, is a HUGE part of focus, and is precisely what I’ve been failing to do.

I’ve been trying to “focus” on improving my diet, increasing my weights at the gym incrementally, getting better on online dating, and practicing talking to girls during the daytime and in nightlife settings.

In addition, I’ve been bogging down and/or nullifying my progress by:

  • Watching Youtube videos of things that aren’t immediately useful for me and give marginal benefit, largely entertainment (though they are vastly improved over the kinds of videos I used to watch a year ago this time). This sucks a lot of time away from thinking about my progress on my “priorities”.
  • I’ve been lacking the “practice-learn-plan” cycle. I’ve been practicing some things, and binge-learning some others, and completely neglecting that planning phase.
  • I’ve not been checking in periodically. My blog posts on here have become infrequent over the past few months, and I haven’t made an effort elsewhere to identify my progress and congratulate myself on the result of taking continued steps in some areas
  • Some areas I’ve been backsliding, including diet and my empathy for others. I’ve become more selfish, and I do want to course-correct that at some point.
  • Trying to do too many things at once, including learning recipes, catching up on YT content (why the hell do I feel an obligation I have to watch it?!), keeping up on homework, going to real work at a bar’s kitchen, keeping up with chores, attending classes, going to school clubs (mainly dancing), getting some but not enough sleep (sometimes), trying to avoid porn/masturbation, obsessing over planning my meals (because I hadn’t learned to keep it simple with a fairly consistent schedule), going on occasional grocery trips, making occasional bar night excursions, running, going to the gym, meeting/hanging out with friends, as well as playing piano, learning to swing dance, writing blogs, writing stories, writing music, and a dozen other things I haven’t touched much in a while.

Instead, it would benefit me most to use a system similar to Mark Queppet’s STAQ Method: essentially, make a flexible plan to maintain the bare minimum, to keep from backsliding on everything else while I pour my focus in on one main improvement goal. Make it so I don’t stress about the actions I take to maintain the parts I’m deferring until later, and can do them easily without much thought.

In this case, that means tabling my main goal of improving physique by dieting well, getting lots of cardio, and going to the gym, alongside my goal of improving my online dating to be particularly effective. I might put a little time into dating apps, but not agressively for now; likewise, I’m not going to expect myself to follow a strict diet, or go to the gym and do cardio more than a couple times per week. I’m not going to spend a ridiculous amount of time on homework except that necessary to maintain a decent grade in the course. I’m going to drop my job, which is sabotaging me in several areas of my life by sucking my time without helping me towards my socialization practice goals.

Cold Approach in day/night situations will instead be my focus. I’m getting coaching after all. Wasting both of our time on me when I’m not in a position to focus and make use of the coaching is stupid of me. It’s much better to clear out enough space to make significant progress in this in-person-dating area so I can make the leaps and bounds that come with focus. My LM will be more optimized as I incorporate making plans and challenges for myself instead of going in with the vague goal of “getting a lead that leads to a lay” and failing to identify the areas I struggle with.

How to Get What You Want (From People)

On a very high level, it comes down to doing three things right:

  1. Identifying exactly what it is you want to obtain
  2. Identifying the person or people who have the resource you want to obtain (whether a weight in the gym, a genuine labcoat for a costume dance, or a girl to share a bed with at night)
  3. Identifying what you have to offer. What value do you bring to the table? It can be as small as giving a compliment or encouragement, or as big as massive monetary compensation, or as ethereal as giving an emotion/experience (Credit PancakeMouse)
  4. Asking if you can have that resource (in a calibrated way), and continuing to ask other people who have that resource until you get a “yes”, a helpful response that leads to a “yes” from someone else, or you run out of people to ask (and not before then)

Obviously, there’s more intricacy to it on a granular level, but this is fundamentally what it comes down to. The details are what we call “game” for asking women if they want to enjoy an evening with us, but it’s more widely applicable than that. Someday in the future I’ll update this article with some of those details.

I wonder if math-focused guys have higher risk for becoming players and bloggers

Edit: after publishing this, realized the post’s tone doesn’t very well convey that this is semi-satirical, despite having some basis in my personal experience.

This could be complete coincidence and selection bias, or there could be genuine truth in this observation, but as it says in the title, I have a hunch that computer, math, and technical science-based guys are more at risk of becoming players or taking their dating lives seriously.

I rounded up a few examples that led to this hunch:

  • Me, definitely math-inclined
  • Jonny Smooth, a friend and wing of mine, who I originally met in a math class
  • Maddmonk might be, he references engaging with math in his blog on occasion (example)
  • Red Quest, based on his (motivating) book The Good Girl, either sympathizes with these kinds of guys or is one himself, as the main character is somewhere on the technical spectrum in his career choices
  • Breeze mentions that he was pretty far on the nerd spectrum
  • And there’s likely several others I haven’t noticed it in, who fit under the umbrella of math-science.

If I were to speculate at causes, it could be because most guys who have at least moderate success with girls and dating aren’t going to feel such lack in their sex lives that they choose to take the Red Pill, whereas engineers and mathematicians tend to face more sexual desolation in their fields and have to look outside the circlejerk for love and physical affection. Or perhaps this overrepresentation occurs because of the methodical nature of those math and science fields, leading to thorough analysis of what works and what doesn’t, while more natural guys don’t feel a need to test their ideas and share their sex struggles and victories online with strangers.

Keeping this post short, but several life happenings going on in my journey in no small part from RPD’s coaching.

Keep on rolling.

+0: Getting There: Incremental Progress, Incremental Returns

Since the last post two weeks ago, life has felt like a whirlwind of trying to balance schoolwork, a few club activities, and the fallout of taking steps forward in this journey. In fact, this summary post itself has been much delayed.

For those who haven’t wasted the perfectly good 30 minutes it would waste to read my daily updates on KYIL’s forums, here’s a quick version digestible in twice the time to use the loo:

  • Progress on diet, learning to do it in a way that keeps my energy levels from crashing and gets me enough protein (about 100 grams or more on average). I think my body has also just gotten accustomed to running at a lower caloric input and not making me feel like crap for it.
  • Got used to going to the gym consistently. Adding weight or reps little by little each time. Not going for major improvement here, just trying to use it to keep muscle and increase my caloric deficit. My weights are quite low at the moment, but that will change over time.
  • Got some decent band shirts in rotation in addition to some plain black ones.
  • Got the kind of ripped black jeans I found and liked at an H&M in Japan, in a size that fits me.
  • Pierced my ears.
  • Fingered a couple new girls from Tinder, but no new notches; this may be from my inability to seize a moment and escalate. I probably need to review “how to touch a girl” from RPD’s coaching materials and KYIL Andy’s website articles because my head-knowledge is rusty and my experience-knowledge is rather low yet. Also had one girl who came over but was put off by my attempt to use cards to sexualize with a game. This issue has happened before, and I recognize I needed more “comfort” in this situation and should reserve my “trick” for the totally DTF “attraction” girls.
  • Had an “e-girl” with OnlyFans over on a date, didn’t escalate much and perhaps should have tried more, but she seemed out of the mood.
  • Got some better pictures at a photoshoot with a wing.
  • Kept hitting up a few bars looking for a position as a bartender (or to work my way up to it).
  • Worked some social game by joining some student organizations and continuing with swing dance.
  • Set back my goals and sleep occasionally with playing video games and forgetting my main goals.
  • Had a solid coaching call with RPD.
  • As well as preparation and planning for many other steps in this journey to improve myself.

I’m already seeing some progress; with better pictures on Tinder, I’m getting more matches (one about every 2-3 days instead of 0-2 per week), and to top it off with an ego boost, I’m getting lots of IOIs as I’m walking around campus between classes.

This feels surreal. This is what I’d been striving for, essentially, why I got so frustrated with myself a year and a half ago. And now I have it, in effect. But I also now see how much further there is to go. And I know how to get there more or less (coaching, researching, and approaching more girls). And I don’t want to waste this progress of becoming one of the most well-dressed non-business-majors on campus; sometime in the next month, I’ll flip the switch from focusing as much on self improvement to go harder on nightgame/cold approach and my ability (or present lack thereof) to talk to girls outside of the frame that “we’re already on a date.”

This is exciting, visceral, and honestly a wonderful time in my life. Making progress feels so much better than being a stagnant robot, like a cog in the modern machine.

+1: Momentum Roadblocks and Surprise Workout Sickness [status update]

To summarize since my last post, here’s some of the progress:

  • I made an accountability thread on the Kill Your Inner Loser Forums where I’m posting almost every day.
  • I’ve implemented a calorie tracker app on my phone to make progress on getting lean.
  • Thanks to Pancake Mouse on that forum thread, I’ve learned many of my weaker points I need to develop in regards to style, including getting more jewelry and better pants/boots.
  • I made around 7-10 approaches in daygame since the last post. My motivation to do daygame on campus has petered out significantly since hearing from several sources that it really takes being calibrated to do it well, even on a big campus, and that it’s better serving to use online game, night game, and social circle (all of which I’m even weaker than day game: next to no experience). I still plan to do some, however.
  • I had one notch of sloppy, poor sex from a girl who I don’t really want to see again, but take pity on because she’s only been with guys who “wanted her only for sex”. But she’s so regular about texting that it annoys me. I’m not her fucking friend. Here, I’ll give myself permission to actually tell her to stop texting me as much. Anyway, that brings me up to 5.
  • RPD and I had a solid coaching call.
  • I set some concrete goals, those being:
  • +Lose weight to the point of seeing unflexed abs by January
  • +Become a bartender before January
  • +Have at least one make-out in a bar/club by December
  • +Approach/talk to at least 100 people in a bar by October, because I suck at talking to mixed/female groups in “party” environments
  • +Have sex with at least 10 new girls from now until January. (Not impossible, but likely difficult because I have only had 5 intercourse excursions and will need to work on my social circle, nightgame, and online game a lot).

But there’s been several problems that took me off guard:

  • One is how my profile is low enough/bad enough (from my poor style and camera) that my Hinge profile only gets to swipe on the girls who are fat and/or can’t take photos that look good at all (“bottom of the barrel”). Ouch.
  • During a workout, found out that after a couple weeks of not going to the gym, doing double what you’re used to doing is not a great idea unless you want to feel sick like you have a cold. Don’t try RPD’s workout cold turkey—ease into it.
  • Another is lack of sleep plus dehydration—these have led me to having a recurring headache the past week, on top of super-sore legs up until today (today is the first day where I genuinely feel like I could jog if I tried). Those factors combined with an intentional caloric deficit made it a slow recovery.
  • Another is my lack of motivation some days. Literally, instead of focusing on my goals first thing, I played a bunch of video games then tried to cram the important stuff into the end of the day. That just doesn’t work.

And here’s where the current plans are:

  • This week and a half, I’ll be focusing on genuinely trying nightgame on my own, on getting a bartending job, and on improving my style (in fact, later today I’ll be going out to some shops).
  • Next goal is to re-evaluate where I’m at, then likely focus on improving online dating.

Let’s keep moving down this journey.

Status Report/Self-Commitment: College Girls Are Hot. Let’s Make Some F***ing Mistakes

Was listening to Kill Your Inner Loser’s youtube videos on the drive down to my university, and I feel not only inspired, but motivated—this opportunity, if handled well, could be my best opportunity to truly become a player. I can do it. I feel normal, too normal but socially inept to be the kind of guy who would get laid and be a solid player on campus, but I’ve got the stars aligned to make massive progress in a short period of time and by damn, if I let this opportunity pass I’ll regret it for the rest of my life. If a guy who is more depressed and more ugly and more monetarily in the pits than me can do it, I sure as hell can too.

This is a post about my current status, as well as the many directions that I have space to improve while here. And if I can succeed, I figure any old overly-intellectual under-socialized guy can. I’m reminded of something Andy from KYIL said in an interview (note: have been watching his videos a lot recently); we always look for the excuses about why we’re different, why we can’t do it too. Some of us believe those excuses. Some of us recognize them as lies, and accordingly commit ourselves to improve past our limiting beliefs.

I type too much. I don’t take enough action. I’m a philosophizer. Let’s see what I need to do to change that, because I feel like I’ve been wasting time and haven’t been taking these goals as seriously as I should.

Improvement Areas

Social Circle

I’m not sure how to start establishing myself in my dorm. I’m a senior in a dorm dominated by freshmen, which has a bit of benefit… but I still barge in on conversations and half-ass them, I saw today.

I need to work on not only recognizing that people are uncomfortable, nervous, excited, etc., but to also call it out with a creative misinterpretation–e.g. if a girl seems nervous talking to me one-on-one, I could tease her about being shy around guys she’s attracted to. I am pretty solid at reading the room subconsciously, but I need to make it more conscious so I can practice acting on it.

Additionally, I need to focus on my eye contact and throwing out more innuendos. I’m going to flop a lot, failure is inevitable, so I might as well do it anyway, fail, and learn from it over time.

Another point I need to work on here is making a “plausible deniability” excuse for girls to come and hang out with me in my dorm room. My current thinking is to use chocolate, and gather a chocolate treat collection to invite girls into my room with (a shelf-ful sounds sufficient—I can’t lie about it, even if I wanted to, in case one of my future invitees is someone living in this dorm and word would get out about me being dishonest).

Finally, I plan on being a part of a swing dance group here, and possibly another. I love dancing, and it’s been the deciding point of a few of the few matches I’ve had since last April.

Cold Approach

I need to get more practice hitting on girls in bars. That’s going to have to happen slowly, over time, as I prefer other routes of progress while I have them. Still, I know a good guy who could be a decent wing who I went out with once before.

I also need to practice going out during the day. Today, I will be going out from 5:30 (right after I finish this post) to 6:30 and hitting on as many hot girls as I can. I’ll take a notebook and a journal.

I feel shit-scared typing this and thinking about actually doing it. What will I say? What if they think I’m weird?

It doesn’t fucking matter. “I’m going to fuck it up anyway, so might as well go and do it and have the chance that the girl’s down to meet someone.” It doesn’t matter what I say. She’s hot, I’m working on myself, that’s enough reason for me to approach.

I also need to work on my motivation here. My coach, RedPillDad, gave me an audio of encouragement I still haven’t listened to yet. I need to. And additionally, I should be approaching every. single. day. Like mad. This is crazy, but this is a crazy formative time and like hell do I want to waste it. So I’m going to also get some accountability by posting in the Kill Your Inner Loser forums every morning from now until November, hitting the peak season of hotness and sexual freedom for the girls on campus. I’m going to use some of the ideas described by Mark Queppet n his Metascript Method (a journaling technique) to focus on the positive things I’ll gain from this habit and the negative things I’m running away from that not approaching girls will likely bring.

Shit. I feel totally unprepared for this task. I will be terrible today. But it’s going to be fun. FUN. These girls are so hot, dressed so teasingly, it’s like being at the beach—but better, because here they’re screened to be young and around my age, and my uni being a party school there’s a lot of YHT here, if only I can muster the balls to seize it.

I’ll also keep in contact with my coach RPD, working with him to work on me.

I feel like I’m atrocious at creating any kind of sexual vibe when going out in person, but that will be something I target hard here.

Online/Swipe Dating

I need better pictures here. I have a few taken from my recent trip to Japan, but few good ones, no jaw-dropping ones. I need to edit them up and put them on my profile to get the general edge.

I plan to be buying Tinder Gold once each month then deleting and restarting my account. Some people have the phone numbers and devices to restart and pay once a week, but I’ll be busy with other stuff and don’t have that kind of cash as a “broke college student” who’s hired a coach. Any tips about restarting and avoiding getting banned on Tinder would be much appreciated. I plan on using boosts at least twice a month, perhaps more.

I know Pancakemouse has good articles about online dating. I plan to read some of them.

I ought to read KYIL’s monstrously long tinder guide as well, taking notes on what I need to improve yet. It’s time to stop dinking around and mentally masturbating, let’s get serious here.

I spend too much time swiping, I ought to keep it down to just bathroom times or things like that, not hours binge-swiping in my room, wasting perfectly good hours to be flirt-practicing in real life.

General Improvement

Overall, I have a couple dates already scheduled: one is with a fat chick who’s got the very-American “you have to like me for me” mindset that holds her back from “changing” herself in any way… and she’s dumb on top of that. I want to see her, give her a good time a few times, and explain to her how to find a good guy instead of the unempathetic guys she’s met in the past, because her body’s hot and I pity her. The other is for a week from now with a girl I met on Tinder, but with flaking and all that I have no surety that she’ll come out.

I should play less video games. I’ve been running 1-5 hours a day for 90+% of the past few days, and it’s sucking away my motivation and getting me too immersed in a fictional world that doesn’t help me meet my goals.

I need to prep for Graduate School. I haven’t scheduled the GRE, but I’m a senior and the timer’s ticking.

I need to continue working on my Japanese skills. In addition to dancing, this is a skill of mine that I can DHV when it comes up. It got me a sexy Japanese girlfriend, until we parted ways when I left. It can sure as heck help me to find an American girlfriend too.

I start too many of these paragraphs with “I”, but this is a status update and 5:30’s coming up quick, so keeping it rough.

I need to get lean and get muscle, in that order. Right now I have a significant belly, “skinny fat”, though if I was lean I have enough muscle to have abs to show off. I’m going to read Good Looking Loser’s guide to losing fat as well as KYIL’s guide to getting lean. I’m also going to reread RPD’s gym habits and take some inspiration there. I had been going to the gym 3x per week and eating a ton, using Stronglifts in a semi-committed way, but I can get more serious. Not going to decide yet how often or how much but need to find a better workout schedule to fit in with schoolwork.

More sleep is also important. Because of video games and other stuff, I’ve been doing less than stellar in that regard. Cut out the games, implement good habits, and the weight loss will be less difficult.

Motivation for this is difficult as well. But I’ve got the KYIL forums, my coach RedPill Dad, and my own past self to drive me forward. If I can win, then I know I can help win. I’d rather get to a comfortable level on this now so I can focus on other life goals later.

Finally, I plan to get a job bartending. I have a contact from my home area who has some contacts in my school’s town, and I learned that it’s important to go up to staff in bars to mention that you’re interested in learning/working. I know it’ll help me with social skills, and it may possibly lead to a few workplace lays or contacts from patrons if I learn to play my cards right (instead of being the typical good little working robot that I tend to be).

Other stuff to do:

I want to play Minecraft. I want to read articles and not take action. I want to look at porn. I want to write fetish material that just perpetuates mental fantasy instead of making fantasy into reality. I want to waste my time in my room, not invite anyone in, not go out with anyone, keeping my door shut, being a social recluse as I “gain levels” and “explore” these games and stories that don’t matter.

Besides that, on more productive notes, I need to make my bed, go down my to-do list for unpacking, and prep myself to go approach today.

As you can see, I have a hell of a lot to work on. I’m excited, nervous, and totally overwhelmed.

I feel the cortisol running through my veins right now. It’s so much excitement.

To quote Andy from KYIL one more time, “Let’s fucking go.”

Edit: after typing most of this except the links, got sucked into a binge of Tinder and messaging. Now I’ll plan to go out at 6:30 pm. That’s a few minutes from now. I’m going to fuck it up. With a smile on my face, and talking to the girls I’m most scared to talk to. You know I’m going to fail ONLY while knowing I did my gosh darn best to try. And maybe, just maybe, I’ll succeed.

Change is Slow – Yes You Can

You can’t *just* be a guy who plays video games, especially if you want to have a certainty in the modern-day dating market. Sure, video games as a part of your life is possible, but it can’t be the “one” thing that defines you.

As men, we feel our contributions to society, whether we like it or not; if our daily life isn’t bringing value to the world, if we are just passive consumers, it takes a toll on the mind and causes frustration—which then leads to change, or to (more often) escapism with further consumption. And that compounds in our self-worth when we’re looking for dating partners (actively or passively). If you want a different dating life, be different than the rest.

For most guys reading this, I’m preaching to the choir. But I hope this article reaches and inspires others.

The way I see it, I myself am struggling against Youtube/podcasts, sugar, video games, & difficulty with making plans and getting my butt out of the house. But this position is better than most my age, because I do hit the gym, talk to girls, and have semblance of a vision of where I’m heading career- and relationship-wise. Most guys I see are hooked and unaware, with porn, video games, politics, and others sucking up their time and making them ineffective.

Of course, just the fact that I’m starting young has its own difficulties & benefits. But my generation (I’m talking about guys in particular) is in a pit. We weren’t taught how to do things that were hard, not most of us. We’ve been given functional “lives” on platters, then when we turn all our energy to video games we wonder why life feels so empty. It quenches the thirst, without actually hydrating our need to create.

To my peers, and my juniors, don’t get frustrated. Change is slow. Change in your action is the result of time and effort building up to the turning point; it’s most important to avoid binging tons of “information” and taking time to reflect on what you’ve heard. Take 5 minutes after reading this to ponder the meaning in these words.

Taking time to consider lessons learned is not just a habit for practicing Christians and other religions; meditating on ideas tips the balance in favor of your actions changing in the future. Hold the hope. You won’t turn into a pickup artist a successful businessman, or a bodybuilder in a day. Not a week. A year is even a stretch. Think long term. 5 years, 10 perhaps. Don’t cap yourself by thinking “I need to become X in Y amount of time,” because it won’t happen… unless you can list out the minute details of getting there, or you get a coach to push your ass in the right direction. Even then, it’ll take time. But it can be done. And you can be the one to get there.

Keep on rolling,

-NightRoller

How many times can a girl come in a night? (Status Update)

Tired out for reasons detailed later in this post. Going to keep this short and to the point, more for accountability than anything.

Started reading The Game, as per RPD’s rec. I normally steer away from—at least, don’t seek out—the things I consider “overpopular”, whether it be music, anime, video games, social trends and fads, or such. Game books were no different. But finally going to do it.

In the past week I’ve been approaching a little on the streets (Shinjuku seems literally like a fantasy world in the evening, weekday or weekend), but I still have difficulty approaching girls in day-to-day life for anything seduction-related. RPD mentioned to me that a decent goal for future improvement could look like getting a girl’s number each day through just talking to girls in day-to-day life; clerks, waitresses, cafeteria staff, students… one thing that puts a crimp in trying this goal is that I’m often with the Japanese Coworker girl because she’s awesomely smart and sexy—despite having a ghastly look under a camera, her face when kissing or moaning is priceless, as is her voice and body shape—and fun to hang around, with the tradeoff that I’m not approaching girls for numbers while she’s with me.

Speaking of the Coworker, I just had a 3rd time with her over the course of making some American pizza. After satisfying our food appetites, we whetted our primal appetites a little before sleeping and then again after waking up. I learned she could come many times within an hour, something I’d heard of before but never realized the real possibility of. She’s incredibly sensitive (even coming from stimulation of her boobs—reminds me of one of Kill Your Inner Loser’s stories, forget which), and she began to relax into the sex and not be so “embarrassed”. Perhaps from that, she started having stronger orgasms (or maybe I’m getting better at actually noticing the orgasms… or I’m giving better orgasms with my fingers, or some combination of those). She came 2-3 times before bed and 4-8 times after. I also was able to come twice within 24 hours, which is a first, though the second orgasm took forever and was weak and half-done because she was so sensitive and literally came multiple times while I had my dick in her. Was nice in the regard that I could easily bring her to orgasm before I came. We spent the night together though I didn’t sleep well. Tired as I’m typing this, really want to get to bed already.

Still not doing great at diet. But improving, phasing out purchases of sweets and the like in non-social situations in favor of better options, options with more protein and fewer carbs.

Keep on rolling,

-NightRoller

[Life] Diet According to Your Means (A Problem-Solving Example)

This topic (and its importance) occurred to me when I realized the following points of conflict in my life:

  • I know the basics of dieting, and have come across several examples of how to diet well. And, while diet/looking good isn’t everything, I do want to look healthy and attractive (and use it to make game easier).
  • My day-to-day diet looks like garbage; I regularly eat junk-carb snacks and sweets in ridiculous amounts. In fact, the night after I started drafting this post, I bought a few decently healthy food items as well as a hefty amount of junk from the nearby コンビニ convenience store.

So the question is, “why?”
Why don’t I eat healthily like “I should”?
Why can’t I control myself around junk food, and buy several kinds in ridiculous amounts?

To reach an answer takes two important steps: recognizing the points where there’s struggling, then addressing each with a solution both brain and gut can get behind. I’ll use myself as an example, of course.

  • Accountability

I don’t have any friends pursuing a lean body and a healthy diet. Everyone in my vicinity tells me I look thin or decent already; my parents, while I love them, have been particularly guilty of this. It breeds complacency when all your surrounding group says “you’re good, you don’t need to improve (because you doing so would make me feel bad about myself)”.

And I haven’t recruited the most valuable tool for this either: the Internet. Most of my online groups play video games and have little going on or that they’re working on. If I reverse that and put focus on groups (like this one) where the group encourages each other to reach their goals and improve their baseline SMV, odds are that I’ll choose to make better decisions to “fit in”.

  • Ability to cook known recipes

I know how to bake a solid pizza (and plan to with the Coworker this weekend). I can make toast or eggs (or egg toast) in the microwave. This article gave me plenty of recipes for when I have access to a kitchen. I know the basics of how to eat well to gain muscle or lose fat.

But for the day-to-day, I don’t have many options for easily-made food with my current cooking supplies. I’m living in a hotel with a tea kettle in my room and a microwave at the opposite end of the hall. My fridge is tinier than the ones they give us in college. All this head-knowledge is catered to the future me who has an American kitchen and related utensils; it’s failing me in a country where I still can’t understand half of the labels on the food and lack access to basic cooking appliances.

  • Lack of internal/emotional buy-in

We can try to force ourselves to do things out of self-hatred and “if I don’t do this, I’m bad”, but I think Mark Queppet was right when he says (paraphrased): “why force yourself to do something you don’t want to do, when instead you can bring yourself to want it and make doing it 1000x easier?”

I had a successful 2-month no-sugar challenge. Part of it was driven by emotional fear of what would happen if I ate as much sugar as I had been doing; part was from being psyched up to not be beholden to the sugar crashes and lethargy and enjoy non-sweet foods more. My emotions were bought into the outcome; I wanted to make it happen. I journaled about it regularly, and used emotional reinforcement to connect myself to the logically desired outcome.

Right now, my logical side knows what I “should” do. But my emotional side isn’t in alignment with that outcome. The tension between the two works against the pursuit of the goal of getting lean (or at least not gaining weight). Not to mention, the actions of getting towards that goal hasn’t been broken down into small enough steps that my subconscious can act on them without me thinking about it. Even if it was aligned, it wouldn’t know how to direct its efforts because I haven’t properly thought it through.


Now that we’ve identified the problems with my set-up, how can a man in my position change this trend?

For Accountability:
Accountability is something I’ve leveraged in the past to make progress. While I used to dismiss diet as something that didn’t require much outer influence/”help”, acknowledging the frustration points here and making the conscious decision to seek help is likely to negate or reverse the negative diet influences of daily life. Among the options available, I’m most considering posting with regularity in Mark Queppet’s Self-Mastery Club (paid for) or Kill Your Inner Loser’s forums, besides continuing to include my diet progress in my blog posts here.

For Food Convenience:
I can’t do anything about my cooking appliances situation while in Japan, but I can identify healthy foods that require little effort to make or find.
Quickly, an exercise of 5 snackable foods and 3 meals that I like logically which appeal to my tongue as well:

  • Peanuts/mixed nuts
  • Hard-boiled eggs
  • Carrots
  • Bananas
  • Oranges
  • Convenience store protein salads
  • Hard boiled eggs (from my tea kettle) + a vegetable (spinach, carrots, etc)
  • Protein (meat of some kind) microwaveable, from the store

For Emotional Buy-In:
Each time I consider buying or eating junk, I have a few strategies to implement, copied from Mark Queppet: I can barter with myself, saying “no, you can’t have that [cookie or other sweet thing], but here’s what I can give you instead: .”
Another useful way to redirect my gut towards logically better decisions is through imagining the “bad scenario” I want to avoid. This includes cavities, which hurt the wallet and the mouth to get rid of, being a fat tub of lard who feels depressed all the time, and being repulsive to others somehow.
The flip-side of the previous, moving towards good scenarios, is yet another way to get my gut on board. I want to be strong, I want to be fit, I want to be attractive to others and full of confidence. How do I get there? A good part of it is by making effective food decisions

With the problems identified and solutions provided, we can look forward to forward progress in the realm of my diet habits. I’ll be sure to mention it in future status posts.

Keep on rolling. If you have similar experiences or another problem-solving system, I’d love to hear them.