[FRs] Starter Week in the City

I’m officially moved in and getting settled, but, not one to lose the momentum (especially during exam week: girls love to blow off their gender studies exams and strut around town looking pretty), I planned a few days this week to go out at night.

Here’s my notes:

Field Reports

My goals this week: being out for >1.5 hours, making 10 approaches of people each night.

4/30/24 Tuesday social

A good starter night. I went out, I was social, I had fun, I hit on a hot girl I was intimidated by—it was great. Also learned some dance stuff and got some info from people about venues and fashion.

In total, at a minimum, talked to 21 people within the venue. Was social outside of it too, all day whenever I got the chance. Was in the venue for ~3.5 hours.

I think I was neutral wrt social vibe, I wasn’t negative per se, and I did give positive vibes some of the time, but a lot of people didn’t know how to place me as friend or foe.

I forget how long I planned to (just go out and get comfortable being in the bar scene and talking to people) in my goals but it seems like I should do this at least 3-4 weeks and make it a habit before setting any further goals¹.

Seemed like the venue itself had a lot of regulars this night, a few every-so-ofteners, and a handful of once-offs. Better for long-term community building with a few pointed shots taken, for this venue on this day of the week. Good info.

5/2/25 Thurs

Total of 18 approaches of some type, one of which was spoken with intent.

Noticed I was afraid of changing plans to switch to obviously popular bars (which I could see were crowded and had lines outside) when I was looking for a certain bar I heard was good on this night.

Tested out several bars and found them to be not so great. Useful to know. I’ll concentrate effort on the better ones.

5/4/24 Sat

Total: 14 interactions, 2 of which were intent-approaches

Super loud, super smokey, need to bring earplugs next time. Voice sore too, but that’s expected in a loud venue.

Also found I can ride my bike to the popular college bar street to zip over quick instead of a vibe-killer walk or a gas-wasting drive.

There was no line at 10:10, but when I left at 10:40 the line was lined up.

I didn’t stay as long as intended. In the future, need to stay out for until 10 approaches and 1.5 hours passed, to get used to the environment and keep trying. (Earplugs and getting comfortable with the vibe will help.)

Despite the venue being very packed, today I faced three obstacles: one, I was really tired because I had a (not particularly hot) girl over for sex earlier in the day, and she was bouncing off the walls with caffeine which was exhausting. Two, I didn’t really look around to actually see what was going on, like I wasn’t allowed to look or something. Partly this was based on the fear that I’d be judged as creepy for looking around. Three: I saw a lot of hot girls and cool guys out, BUT I couldn’t think of anything to say that was related to the context and interesting, so I meandered around the bar and mingled with a few groups. I wasn’t sure what to do between approaches of people either, felt like a weirdo who didn’t belong. Mostly targeted people who I could think to compliment something that stood out about them, or people who stood out socially, not people who were enjoying the vibe.

I’ve got a lot of room for growth.

Other Updates

This week, I also did some impromptu daygame (not counted), and lots of people-watching and weaseling on girls who were totally my type. I’ll count it as a gain because I did make 1 or 2 actual approaches and kickstarted the habit of being out, social, giving compliments and starting conversations.

Being in the city feels utterly surreal compared to where I was living before. For comparison: where I lived before, if I saw 1-3 girls of decent attractiveness (what in some spheres some might call 7s or 8s), it felt like a lucky break; here and now, I walk down the street and happen to see a dozen girls I’d be happy getting intimate with in a mere half hour, even less if I walk near campus. I picked good logistics for where I live and it’s paying dividends with supply. Now to delve (wink wink) into my inner wolf to increase demand.

The college girls will largely leave soon, which makes it a great time to settle into the city, work on my body, and build my social circles & skills². Moving is a handy catalyst for habit change if used sparingly.

Took me 2-3 years to (mostly) solve money and location logistics. Now the rubber hits the road. Looking forward to next week. Things will get hard, but I won’t be discouraged by my lack of ability.

While some enter the game more fully, others look toward their exit of the game…

---

1. Or testing ideas I overhear on Twitter ↩︎
2. In fact, over the past week I checked out a couple kink groups, which also seem like a social starter point if I can be the fun cool guy of the group (no offense to participants there, but some of them help set the bar lower) ↩︎

FR: Bar Visit #10, anti-game on my first wing night

So I wrote an outline for this post several weeks ago, but am only fleshing it out now near the end of April. I haven’t gone to bars since, and started up OLD all at once. A separate post will later detail recent developments, but for now I’ll put this out (even though it’s fairly disheartened and a little embarrassing).

---

I’m frustrated and inspired in a befuddling mix after last night’s outing.

I went and tried winging with the nightgamer, Jonny Smooth, I’d met in my town to a bar I’ll call (for humor’s sake) “Darts ‘n Farts”. Later, we bounced to “Desk”, then walked back towards Darts ‘n Farts when my wing approached and did well with (in my eyes) an ‘8’ girl who he went all the way to her house with (before being rejected with a kiss). That pretty much concluded the night by the lateness.

I have a note here about skill-level stuff. Jonny had told me (not bragging) that he was intermediate-advanced, and I mostly didn’t believe him until that night. It was inspiring to see him. Meanwhile, I realized I had to confront the ugly truth: I had anti-game. I barely approached, and those I did were awkward flops.

I did not bring much value for my wing, either. I recognize that there are ways to circumvent this in the future, bringing value to winging by being an example (approaching aggressively and boldly, challenging my wing to approach, knowing the territory/bars, knowing people in the territory such as the workers, etc.).

Approaching is a lot simpler than I make it out to be. I’ve done so much research, but it all holds me back. It’s a mere matter of knowledge vs. application; knowing “too much” can be a bad thing, and here I’m an example. In fact, I’m my own worst enemy here: I have a lack of goals in this realm, and if I want better outcomes I need to find and track better goals, and I use far too many rationalizing excuses to block myself from trying. Things like, “I’m too awkward,” “I don’t know how to talk,” “I’m not attractive enough,” “This isn’t a crowd I fit in or know how to enjoy time with,” and so on. It’s accurate to say it inspires despair when I give a half-hearted, scared effort, then have no results to show for it and want to claim it “doesn’t work.” I know enough to know that it’s an inaccurate assumption though, it does work and has worked for several people before, and it takes more effort and time than I’ve given to it by this point.

At this point I have a note for myself to describe in detail the goals I can set for myself, the reachable and committable challenges I can complete, to use as stepping stones to improve from my current point. One of those challenges was to finally use John Anthony’s coursework, which I’ve put a moratorium on. Another would be to continue to go to bars with regularity. Yet another would be to talk to anyone throughout the day, and invite people to do things with me. And another way to improve concretely, whether soloing or with a wing, would just be to set “in-set” goals to meet.

I also got a warning from one of my female friends about changing “too much”. I worry somewhat about becoming something I’m not, in that regard, as I’ve apparently changed quite a bit in the past couple years. I don’t mind change. In fact, I’ve been purposely trying to change for the past 4 years, and the degree to which I’m actively making that change, being a protagonist rather than an NPC, has drastically gone up. But I need to keep a center, or find a new one, to stay centered as a guy I want to live as. Staying grounded is becoming important to me as I implement these more attractive behaviors and mindsets.

I want to try winging and bars again, but I think I’ll take a small hiatus before that.

---

So ends this entry. I’ve recently found a bit of success though, so fear not! Future foray plans are upcoming when I can get myself to sit down and type them out

FR: Bar Visit #8

Went to a bar I’ll call “The Hungry Cousin”. Seems like a good place for pickup, if I can get my nightgame to be better than that of a nerdy chode. Lots of dancing, lots of young skirt.

+0 numbers, still yet to get a set that lasts more than 10 seconds in a bar, but I went with a different goal in mind: I’m scoping out which bars are better for game or not. I went to dance and have a good time, and remembered to relax some of the time. Still ended up ogling a lot, I’m impressed just by 6’s in revealing clothing. I know to be less needy I need to get reference experiences, but even the silver-platter-served ones I will historically butcher. (The girl did reply via text, and I was less than smooth in my replies.)

All is not lost to mere dancing fun though; on my way out from the bar I met an acquaintance of mine and found out he’s in the pickup sphere too, taking inspiration from the likes of Avery Hayden. He’s a lot farther than me, a self-proclaimed “rusty advanced” player, though with less than 20 notches the keyboard-theorist in me wants to say it’s better than most men but intermediate in the player sphere. I’ve got more experience in Daygame, and Nightgame seems to be his element. We’re friendly, perhaps we can wing and learn from each other. I’ll encourage him to start a blog too.

As for progress on increasing my personal SMV: I’m currently on hiatus from porn/masturbation (and technically also orgasm) as per Mark Queppet’s course to lose the porn addiction, planning to finish that in April. But I won’t turn down a lay if the opportunity presents itself. My chodeness will ensure my celibacy in all probability (hah!). Going to the gym as per Stronglifts 5×5. Looking into clothing/accessories, but haven’t had the time to properly focus on it. Trying a dance club at my school to practice socializing and get a useful skill, and keeping up the cafeteria game (intermittently). Reading Nash’s blog and taking notes.