Five dates this week…
And three of them didn’t show up
Five dates this week…
And three of them didn’t show up
Quick update here: typing from a cafe where I planned to meet a girl on a date, 1 hour’s drive from where I live. She didn’t text until I was already here for an hour, saying she overslept and her family took her car. As RedQuest reminded me,
Some girls want boyfriends and some girls don’t
And as with many aspects of dating, what the person does is often more indicative than what the person says.
Why did I let myself drive an hour to meet a girl who was flakey enough to not text back or show up?
While I’m currently working on my job campaign, I don’t have set working times, which allows for as many dates as I let myself (impulsively and/or conscientiously) take on. Hence, five dates: 1 with [a girl I’ve been in a semi-relationship with and plan to write a post about soon], 2 with semi-cute (?) girls I’ve had in my phone for over a year who both flaked1, and 2 with new girls from Online “Dating”, one 18, thin, hot, high-potential, and “bored with normal people”, the other ~28, fat and unsightly, just out of her only relationship, and living paycheck to paycheck. The latter and I agreed we weren’t a good fit.
At any rate, in answer to the question, “how can I make this experience a win for me?” I’m using this time the flakey girl gave me to write some posts, catch up on LinkedIn, and submit a few job applications. Credit for the positive mindset/reframe mostly goes to Andy from KYIL.
There might be a trend here, but there’s contrary data point I’m including in a future post [link to the post of the 100+ notch girl] ↩︎
Using a turnaround to make the inevitable mistakes more desirable, for progress’s sake
Caleb Jones/BlackDragon released a video recently that has a point I want to reiterate. It’s self-evident for some, and it’s a point I’ve heard and adopted before, but something in the way he phrased it struck me.
To watch it yourself, check out the link below (view 2:25 to 7:00 for the main point part I’m analyzing):
There were a few points in the video worth focusing on. The essential bit that consummates the title is to destigmatize or “reframe” the idea of making a mistake into a good thing:
“Here’s the reframe: instead of ‘I can’t make a MISTAKE!!!’ [surprised face] ‘That would be HORRIBLE!’ [… try the affirmation] ‘Making many, many mistakes, over and over again, is REQUIRED to make me successful and happy.‘” (5:31)
This is good. This phrase feels “sticky,” turning a scary thing into a boon and a requirement.
After some honest bragging about his success, BD says at 4:56 that “I make mistakes all the d**n time.” He attributes his success to making a ton of mistakes. Look at any advanced or intermediate seduction artist and you’ll see the same.
RedQuest has his own missteps, which he doesn’t often track because, as he puts it, it’s not interesting to the inveterate player (rejection is a normal part of the process of finding the next yes), but doesn’t want to pretend it doesn’t happen either. And I want to make a post highlighting a KarismaKing video, because he’s had a journey of mistakes and learning and articulates his points well, but also seems to care about improving the guys in this space and the women he dates. Notice a pattern? I unconsciously lean towards guys who want to win and help win.
Today at the gym, I saw a very hot attractive girl with beautiful hip structure, booty, and tits working out, and I this mantra would have helped me while I stewed in indecision instead of making the social open, warming her for if I see her again. Eventually I got up the courage by remembering Madd Monk’srecentaction and Clarky Khat’s gym approaches, and leveraged the pride I have in being a claimed fledgling seducer to not let the opportunity pass without trying, so I introduced myself, asked her name, and promptly forgot all but the first letter by the time I finished my workout. Oh, well, seems I’m hitting the point home ironically?
For any project you’re working on, women, work, or lifestyle, having the mindset of I can’t make a mistake “KILLS any action” (6:25). Letting reality scare you into indecision or nonaction by the fear of “not being perfect” is a trap that will kill your game (and life). Of course, and BlackDragon includes, you shouldn’t try to make mistakes willy-nilly without learning from them. Play the long game. You won’t get perfect or near perfect for a longer time than you hope, but you will make progress if you’re actually trying to talk to/smoothly transition to sex with women. It is hard. It will get easier as you mesh others’ ideas into your own methods and strategies.
I know CJ/BD is not well-liked in somecircles, and well-enough-respected in others, with various reasons to trust/distrust him.
I went through a phase of being well-smitten with him and his content, because it seemed well-thought-out and well-articulated, and he speaks with nuance. With some time and experience behind my belt, I have a more nuanced view of him myself. Parts of him/his stuff I still like. He’s entertaining. He’s built himself a system that works, and he’s definitely slept with women he categorizes as “8’s – cute” and “9’s and 10’s – very hot” for his personal tastes1. His content was the first business stuff I found interesting enough to delve into, and I even bought a course from him (review tbd—I got some value from it, learned a lot, but it overall underdelivered on what it promised/what I felt I paid for during the “iteration” I tried it and it left a bit of a sour taste in my mouth).
I can see where it’s effective, but now I’m more aware of CJ’s ideas’ limits. There are no pure shortcuts. He is mostly good about explaining the caveats of business building and following his dating models, to his credit, though as others have mentioned (I think Nash or RQ) his ideas are from earlier online dating and are less useful in the modern day, with how fast dating online is changing. At any rate, as mentioned in a previous post, “take what’s useful, discard the rest.”
NightRoller Game 