Quick three-sentence update: +2 notches from kinky, chill-personality, significantly overweight but “cute enough” girls. Not anything worth mentioning there, but with neediness the past few weeks have turned away the few attractively thin leads I got from my non-banned app profiles. And after my 3rd rendezvous with Seductress Girl, who I really, really enjoyed the company and sexual attention of, she started talking to someone about monogamy and may now be in a relationship, so wanting to respect her wish (as I’m doing a variation of ENM), I let things drop off, and have been thinking about her on occasion ever since because of how eager and fun she was.
Keeping this article short and sweet:
I’ve been spending a LOT of time on Youtube podcasts, reading emails, playing video games, looking at Instagram girls/reels, masturbating…
It’s all detrimental directly to my goals. This is a hurdle I desperately want to overcome, because doing so will lead me much closer towards my ideal love life, which is somewhere around where RedQuest and Andy are now.
I realized that particularly acutely this past weekend where Saturday and Sunday I stayed up until 4 am and 6:30 am respectively, on my phone.
And the past couple months, I found the “hot model” and “alluring sexually-themed reels” sides of Instagram, and often used that to masturbate to, sabotaging my time instead of getting more sleep or writing useful blog posts, or giving myself time to think.
It’s escapism. It’s aversion to being bored, which the surprisingly helpful Youtube Channel HealthyGamerGG talks about here. Even in the past 4 days, I’ve watched/listened to 12+ hours of Youtube already. And spent over 8 hours of my day on my phone. I’m like one of the girls RedQuest writes about.
I initiated action to make a change starting this past Monday. I’m getting up earlier and going to bed earlier. I’m more productive and less tempted to goof off earlier in the day, whereas late in the evening is always a gamble between productivity and escapism via entertaining-and-somewhat-informative-and-usually-not-immediately-applicable Youtube videos.
Today I tried an exercise suggested in that HeathyGamerGG video, specifically, spending 1 hour staring at a wall. Nothing to do but sit there and be bored the whole time.
I had a lot of thoughts. My brain was really noisy. And also, tired. I noticed I wanted to fall asleep. And it offered me time to think creatively, but my mind never was bored, if I was to be honest. The hour passed faster than I expected.
I thought about Seductress Girl a lot. I haven’t met a girl I connected to like I did with her before. Japanese GF comes close, but I can’t change my mind and text her to come back into my life like Seductress Girl, and the latter is far more openly sexual after we first broke that barrier (even initiating car sex, buckling me down on her bed with restraints, trying to turn me on as much as she’s turned on, etc.).
I want and need to spend more time away from my phone. I’m seriously considering a dopamine detox, but don’t want to cut out dating apps for that long. Something to consider in the future.
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The past few days since I committed to living my life in a more healthy, less phone, more enjoyable way of living, I have been doing better mentally. I remember I’ve had highs, this is just a low. I’m currently bulking up to 160 lbs for the first time, from 145. I’ve made 5 approaches of cute girls in the past few days, keeping myself accountable in a WhatsApp cold approach challenge group.
I’ve been inspired by a new addition to the field of blogging players, whose insight and honesty with his experiences as a beginner play-by-play is beyond any I’ve seen to date. Clarky Khat is doing the level of approaches and action anyone taking their dating life seriously should. He’s making mistakes and learning from them. I’m living vicariously through him, somewhat–but not going to sit around and watch. Showing girls the best night of their lives is a participatory sport, and I’m not one of the guys who doesn’t want to get laid.
NightRoller Game 